The Bawdy Intimate guide to: how to pleasure a woman

how to pleasure a woman

When it comes to female pleasure, individuality is essential. Exploration, having fun, and trying new things are pillars of sexual wellness and enjoyment. And as much as you know you should be doing these things with your partner, it’s not always that easy to figure out how to go about it. If you feel like you’re in a bit of a rut, you’re eager to take your partner’s pleasure to new levels, or you just want to learn more about your pleasure, then we’ve got just what you need.

From a basic guide to female erogenous zones to easy ways to spice things up in the bedroom, once you’ve finished reading our guide, you’ll be ready to take the woman (or women) in your life to cloud nine!

Where can I touch to pleasure a woman?

The female body has many zones that can bring sexual pleasure, from obvious areas like the clitoris to less often spoken about body parts such as the scalp and spine. These are the fifteen most common erogenous zones for female bodies and how to touch them. Don’t forget, not everyone will enjoy being touched in all of these places, so talk to your partner and ask them to tell you what feels good:

- Scalp: move your fingers and fingernails gently over your partner’s scalp 

- Lips: kiss, stroke, or gently bite your partner’s lips

- Ears: gently kiss, lick, or blow into their ears

- Nape of the neck: run your fingernails along the back of her neck, or gently kiss her neck and collar bones

- Arms: gently stroke their upper arms, or hold on to them more firmly

- Nipples: depending on what they enjoy, you could lick, stroke, flick, or even bite your partner’s nipples

- Wrists: stroking or kissing the inner part of your partner’s wrists is a surprising erogenous zone

- Navel: another surprising one, the navel is a great place to spend some time teasing before you head to other areas.

- Spine: run your hands down her spine, or kiss your way down her back

- Small of their back: rest your hand on the small of her back, or spend some extra time kissing it.

- Clitoris: this can be a very sensitive area for some women, so start gently and ask your partner what feels good. Kissing, licking, and sucking are all good techniques to start with.

- Vagina: the vagina’s inner walls are riddled with nerve endings that you can activate with your fingers, penis, or a sex toy.

- Inner thighs: stroke, lick, kiss, or graze your partner’s inner thighs to build up sexual tension

- Knees: kiss or lick the area behind your partner’s knees for a sexy surprise

- Feet: from foot massages to licking your partner’s toes, explore their feet if they enjoy the sensation

What brings sexual pleasure to a woman?

Sources of sexual pleasure will be different for each and every woman. Some of the best ways you can explore what your partner enjoys are by discussing what they like, and asking if you can try something new to find out if they enjoy it. Opening communication channels is something sexologists often recommend to their patients. Sexologist Dr. Megan Stubbs told Healthline, “Instead of rolling over to fall asleep after sex, next time have a chat about how your encounter went. Take this time to revel in your afterglow and discuss the things you liked and the things that you will skip (if any) for next time.”

Taking time to indulge in foreplay is also essential for pleasuring some women, although others prefer to get to the main act early on. Again, the best thing to do is have an open conversation. If foreplay is something your partner enjoys, or it’s something she wants to explore more extensively, then Liz Powell, PsyD, an LGBTQ-friendly sex educator, coach, and licensed psychologist, suggests shared some advice with Healthline that might help: “Take genitals out of the equation for a night, week, or month. How can you and your partner explore and experience sexual pleasure when what’s between the legs isn’t on the table? Find out!”

How do you introduce new things into the bedroom?

The first thing to do is break down any barriers or feelings of shame around wanting to try new things. Sexologist Caitlin V, MPH told Well + Good, “When you’re ready to have the conversation, think about the right time to have it,” V says. “Is it after sex, after a glass of wine, over a romantic dinner? Ask for their consent to have the conversation, make sure it’s a good time for them. Check-in with them to be sure if they have the bandwidth to discuss.” If having a full-on conversation about trying something new feels overwhelming, then try turning it into a game: you can create a sexy bucket list together, taking it in turns to add new things. You never know, they might have been wanting to try the same things as you all along! You can also suggest trying something new in the bedroom once a week, or once a month, if you feel like you need to set a goal to get out of a dry spell. Remember, always make sure your partner is on board with whatever you want to try.