Playtime: give and receive

sex life give and receive

When it comes to sex, giving is as essential as receiving—finding a balance with your partner where you’re both getting what you want and need from each other—learning what you both like, how to take things further, and when to rein it in. We all know that sex is supposed to feel good. It’s supposed to feel incredible. It’s a way for you to connect with your partner, to feel more in tune with one another. But how do you make that connection even deeper? How do you take things to the next level?

We’re exploring the art of giving and receiving, how to achieve toe-curling orgasms whenever you want. We’ve spoken to Bawdy Intimate founder, Sylwia Wiesenberg, to discover her top tips for giving and receiving in the bedroom. And we’re going to go over some steps you can take to make the pleasure and connection you experience even more profound.

What does an orgasm for a woman feel like?

Like all things when it comes to sexuality, there’s no hard and fast rule about what an orgasm feels like for a woman. A Reddit thread has gathered together experiences from women around the world, and you would be surprised by how different the experience is from one person to the next:

“My whole body tightens like a spring, with more pressure building each time it's hit. When the dam bursts, I nearly blackout. With every vaginal spasm, the waves pound over my entire body at once and make me completely lose muscle control. If you talk to me right now, I cannot hear you. I cannot form words. I cannot take a deep breath. The shivers continue ripping through me. It. Is. Bliss.”

"First, you feel it in your inner thighs, and it feels warm. Then you can feel the same feeling but warmer and more intense in your lower stomach, and the more you try to hold this feeling in, the better it gets. Then snap it spreads out in your whole "downstairs," and it's more twitching and..what can you call it? Physical feeling? And this keeps going like this for about 15 sec. It's amazing."

"You know that light-headed feeling? Imagine your whole body feeling like that, with a wave as if your entire body is "asleep" (like when your foot falls asleep). I feel really sensitive for a while afterward. I have a ton of energy, and I am really excited, but then I want to sleep."

What causes the intense feeling during orgasm?

Sexual health nurse Sarah Mulindwa explained to Marie Claire how oxytocin, a feel-good hormone, is responsible for part of the pleasure experienced during orgasm. She told them, “[oxytocin] is a ‘feel-good’ hormone responsible for bonding with others, and it partly answers why orgasms can feel so amazing and make you feel closer to the person you’ve shared them with.” But the pleasure felt during and after an orgasm doesn’t only come down to hormones. Research has found that rhythmic stimulation during sex or masturbation causes nerves in your brain to move in synchrony, which leads to a phenomenon known as ‘neural entertainment.’ This neural entertainment is believed to be the root cause of the feeling of an orgasm spreading beyond the area being stimulated to reach every part of your body.

How do you make a woman's orgasm more intense?

We spoke to Bawdy’s founder, Sylwia Wiesenberg, to find out her top tips for deeper orgasms:

  1. Relax – being able to relax and be present in the moment is one of the most critical factors determining if you can reach orgasm and how powerful that orgasm will be. If you struggle with relaxing during sex, try taking time to explore your body alone to get to know what you enjoy. That way, you can easily guide your partner.
  2. Don’t rush it – quickies are perfect to release sexual tension and they can feel deep but to make it deeper you need to give yourself time. “Trust me sometimes it is not the first orgasm that will be deep, so keep going!” If you’re feeling sensitive after an orgasm but want to carry on, you can take a break and focus on another part of your or your partner’s body.
  3. Tell your partner your fantasies – communication is key if you want to achieve a deeper connection with your partner and have more intense orgasms. Don’t be afraid to share your fantasies with your partner and find out which ones they would be willing to explore. Creating a safe space for you both to share your desires will help you both get the most from your intimate time together.

Where are the female pleasure points?

When you think about female orgasms most people will think about clitoral or G-spot orgasms. But there are lots of other areas of a woman’s body that can produce the intense sensations linked to orgasms. 

  • Nipple orgasms — a possibility for both men and women, nipple orgasms come from rhythmic stimulation of your nipples. “Many people report that this type of climax feels similar to a pelvic-related orgasm,” according to Flo Health
  • Anal orgasms — finding the so-called ‘A-spot’ can lead to intense orgasms too. Again, rhythmic stimulation can lead to a whole different type of orgasm, which many women say they love. Some even adding they prefer it to a G-spot orgasm!
Massage orgasm — erotic massage runs the gamut of mutual masturbation to tantra. Tantric sex educator Barbara Carrellas told Mind Body Green “your full-body orgasm experience might include a physical tingling accompanied by a huge emotional release and a feeling of oneness with nature."